At the Core of every man
His heart inside is locked away
Deeper than he knows himself
Untouched by light of Day

The locks design is intricate
Wrought with perfect care
A precisely crafted instrument
That’s been beaten down with wear

And so a man may set his mind
To opening his heart
But it’s a job that once it’s been begun
A man cannot un-start

He’ll fashion for himself a key
Made of the purest Gold
And pour his heart and mind and soul
Into his handmade mold

But though the key precious
And though his mold is strong
It can’t unlock what lies within
For the key he made is wrong

He’ll set himself a fire
And stoke its tender flames    
The temperature will rise
But the lock remains the same

He’ll fetch himself a hammer
And though his force is great
The lock will not be opened
And it keeps its secret safe

At last, he’ll get himself a knife
With which to draw his blood
For maybe when all else has failed
His suffering would be enough

But his pain was insufficient
And as his hope was lost
The man’s creator came to him
To explain to him the lock

The lock, he said, is my design
It guards your deepest parts inside
But you’ve got nothing there to hide
For you, my son, are empty

The void that lies inside you
Is one that only I can fill
By giving you my spirit
So that you can know my will

The lock is only opened
With my crucified son’s blood
And your emptiness is only filled
With my overlasting love

And once my love is in you
My love is there to stay
For it’s sealed inside with Jesus’ blood
And nothing can take it away


     So basically, the premise of this song comes from the saying “there is a god-shaped void in everyone,” or however you’ve heard it. So while I was thinking about that, I also thought about how, as christians, we’re called to find our joy and fulfillment in Christ. So much so that the only thing that can fill the void in us is God himself. I’m reading “Desiring God,” the book Mr. Grosser gave out, and it’s been really insightful on that front. So basically, the premise of the poem is a man realizing they have something inside themselves that they don’t know what it is, something that’s locked away. Like a lot of people, they assume it’s happiness or some eternal understanding or transcendental stuff. So he tries to go about unlocking the depths of his soul.

     I chose a key of Gold to represent how we try to fill ourselves up with treasures, with material things, and basically all the junk of this world.

     The Fire is supposed to illustrate some sort of unpleasant self-searching, to sort of parallel the belief that if we do hard things, that if we do good things and persevere through them, like metal through a fire, that somehow we’ll come out on the other end being good enough for God.

     I used the hammer as an illustration for how we deal with our emptiness through anger and wrath, and how we sometimes feel that in the midst of anger, we can create our own happiness through our own strength, when the fact is that we simply cannot. And the knife and the blood was to parallel cutting and suicide, the idea that maybe inducing our own pain can purify, and with suicide, taking our own lives into our hands. That our sense of control, be it through our pain or even our own lives will bring us happiness and fulfillment. But it doesn’t.

     I have God reach out to this man, because I believe that God reaches out for all of us. God desires greatly to be with all of us, no matter where we’re at. Now, the end of the poem is with Jesus opening the lock, God giving the man his spirit, and God locking that spirit within the man. I wanted the void to be locked for a reason. God has made each of us in his image, and has given his son for all of us; we all have that void in our heart. I had it locked because this place, the place that God has placed at the center of all of us, is intended for the spirit, and the spirit alone. That’s why it was locked; it was locked away because God had reserved that place for his spirit. Jesus is the key to that lock; by accepting his death on the cross and resurrection from the grave as sacrifice for our sins, and confessing him as Lord, we invite God into our hearts, and he fills us with his holy spirit. And not only that, He promises that once we have the spirit, it cannot be taken from us, no matter what! That’s why God locks his heart again after giving the man his spirit. But still, we cannot be separated from the spirit of God; how amazing is that! So yeah, that’s it for today. Hope you liked it!

Just a heads up, once in awhile, I write things. I used to write things only for specific people. But I think part of me starting this blog is being more open with my writing. So here goes!

If you can really hear me

Hear these prayers I send to you

Then why is nothing changing

Why can’t I see the good you do

I can accept some trials

And I’ll endure the pain

But in the midst of all of this

I question once again

If you can really hear me

Then why can’t I see you

I hear about your goodness

But I can’t believe it’s true

Today’s post is gonna be a little more low key. Now the name of this post is my name is Andrew; that is not, however, because I want you all to know who I am. It’s just me juxtaposing my name into the title of one of my favorite TV shows, “My Name is Earl.” For those who have seen the show, you know the premise, and you know why I love it. For those of you who haven’t, the basic premise of the show is this. Earl Hickey lives in a trailer park, and is a common, petty thief, who lives a terrible life. When he wins a lottery ticket one day, he is, understandably, ecstatic. However, he is quickly run over by a car after running into a street in jubilation. While rehabilitating in the hospital, he thinks for a long time, and comes to the conclusion that the reason he got hit by a car is karma. And he decides that he needs to go and right all of the wrongs that he made before he had won the lottery. He thinks that all of the bad things he did were why he was hit by a car, and that if he does good things to make up for all the bad things he did, he’ll have a good life.

     One of the first things that I thought was wow…if I had to make a list of all the things I ever did wrong, I don’t think I would be able to finish it. But that aside, the other thing that strikes me is how often I think like Earl. A lot of times, we think that what we do will come back to us. Except I tend to think about it as a one way thing. Usually, I don’t do good things because I expect good things are going to happen. I don’t really know why, but I can usually just do a good thing because I know it’s the right thing to do. Now that’s certainly not the case all of the time, and there are a lot of times I know what the right thing to do is and I don’t do it. But I don’t tend to think of doing good in the context of karma. In fact, I tend to not think about the consequences of doing bad things either. I tend to think that the things I do aren’t really going to directly affect me in the way that earl thinks his actions are going to affect him.

     When things go the other way though, I tend to think of it much more in the context of Karma than I should. How many times has something bad happened, and have I thought, “what the heck? I’m doing good, I’m not killing people. Why is life sucking?” And a lot of times when something good happens, I’m not nearly as thankful as I should be. After all, I’m a good person; I deserve it when good things happen to me.

     The problem is, these thoughts, this system of thinking, doesn’t have any biblical basis, nor any basis in fact at all. To think that the things that we reap in this life are directly caused by the things we did prior in this life is not the way it is. It takes God out of the equation. The God that has revealed himself to us through the bible claims to be all powerful, all knowing, and in complete control of the universe. But if we believe in Karma, that we do good things and good things happen because of it, that takes God out of the equation.

     In his all-knowingness, (omniscience) God has created an awesome plan. He knows exactly what’s going to happen, and, although it’s hard to believe at some points, he has a reason for everything he’s doing. And after all, he’s God. He can do what he wants. He’s perfectly loving and perfectly just. This means that his plan is the right plan. But what does that mean for us?

     It means that doing good things doesn’t always mean that good things are doing to happen. But shouldn’t we be mad about that? Not at all. God has shown himself to be loving, and we know that he is in control of all things. And while it’s certainly not easy to admit, but the God of the universe probably has a more developed sense of justice than we do. So where does that leave us? To trust God. Even when things are going poorly, to understand that he is in control, and praise him throughout whatever. Because we know that he’s in control of it. Oh, and on a side-note. You should all go watch My Name is Earl. Because it’s a bomb show. :)

In the past couple of days, I’ve decided that I’m going to start making some pretty major changes in my life. Not because I necessarily want to, but because they need to be done. A lot of them have been pretty hard. I started doing quiet times daily, and as good as quiet times are, it’s hard. It’s not instantly gratifying like TV or Starcraft. And it’s only been 2 days into this attempt at re-establishing this routine! It’s really hard to do something that you want to want to do, but don’t actually have a desire to do. I also made a commitment to make a serious attempt at joining a club at school. Which is good, but I’m really not that great at meeting people, and the prospect of being rejected scares me. And on top of this, I’m also starting to visit other churches in the area, because the church I attend now does not have anyone else my age. I’m really looking forward to meeting new people, but at the same time, I’m ultimately really scared of being rejected again. I’m not in the best spot as things stand right now, and if things go poorly, I don’t really know what’ll happen. 

     However, I think ultimately, this is a good thing. I’m not saying I shouldn’t want to do my quiet time. I’m not saying that because I’m afraid of meeting new people I should just stay at home all day. I’m saying I think it’s good that all of these things are happening. Because while I’m making all sorts of big changes, there’s one small one that I’m making as well, which is that I’m wearing a rubber band or two on my wrist.

     The reason I am wearing the rubber bands is not cosmetic. Most of you should know me well enough to know that that’s not the sort of thing I really worry about. But it’s because I want it to remind me that I need to have Rubber Band Faith. Now, I didn’t coin this phrase; I am blatantly and unashamedly stealing it from Dan Britton, who was a speaker at an FCA camp I went to awhile back. But what I mean by rubber band faith is this: I want my faith to be stretching me.

     Think about it; if it isn’t being stretched, a rubber band isn’t really doing anything at all. If you put a rubber band around a pencil, it hangs there limply, and when you pick it up, it just falls off. But put a rubber band around a whole bunch of pencils, enough to stretch out, and it starts to do work, and hold them together!

     Our faith is the same way. If we aren’t stretching and pushing ourselves, our faith really isn’t being utilized. As Christians, we are are called to holiness, to live up to Gods standard, separate from the world that we are surrounded by, but not part of. (Romans 12:2) “Do not conform to the pattern of this world, but be transformed by the renewing of your mind. Then you will be able to test and approve what God’s will is—his good, pleasing and perfect will.” But transforming, and not conforming, are difficult things to do. After all, if they weren’t, everyone would be doing them. And then we wouldn’t be transforming, and we wouldn’t have to worry about conformity. But the fact is that stepping out as we are called to do is challenging, and is a major way that our faith is tested.

     So that’s all fine and good. Faith has to be stretched to be doing anything, we got that. But why do I want to be stretched? Is stretching my faith just an exercise in stretching myself? NO! (James 1:3-4) “because you know that the testing of your faith produces perseverance. Let perseverance finish its work so that you may be mature and complete, not lacking anything.” We can see that trials build perseverance. But this passage tells us that stretching goes beyond just that. It’s just a stepping stone. The stretching creates perseverance, and perseverance will make you mature and complete. These stretches make us more resilient, so that we can better learn from our stretches, and God can use these trials to grow us. And when we have developed our perseverance through the trials that God gives us, we will mature and complete, able to discern what his will is. How awesome is that!

     The other great thing about this is that in the two days I’ve worn it, I’ve had 2 people ask me what it’s for. And it’s been a great opportunity to share my faith. So yeah, that’s about it. Do hard things, stretch yourself; put yourself into situations that stretch you, that are more than you can take…knowing that God will be there to get you through. You’re God’s rubber band, and you’re not working if you’re not stretching!

     It’s my first day posting on this, and I hope to make it a daily occurrence. To be honest, today finds me at a pretty low point in terms of a lot of things. Everyone who knows me well knows that one of the things I fear the most in being alone. And the one feeling that is dominating me at the moment is emptiness. So I thought I’d just share my thoughts on it.

     As with anything, I think it’s best to illustrate this with an image. So, for my image of choice, I choose a coke bottle. A coke bottle can be filled, empty, or somewhere in between. It’s never quite all the way full, as it comes sealed with some air at the top, and it can’t become completely empty either. It will always be filled with air at the very least.

     In a lot of ways, I think that people are like coke bottles. All of our lives, we seek fulfillment; be it through our friends, hobbies, beliefs, we all try to fill our lives with what gives us meaning. If we follow Christ, we understand that we are to fill ourselves with Gods word, and to spend time in communion with him. Psalm 119:11 tells us “I have hidden your word in my heart that I might not sin against you.” The author of psalms is filling himself with the word of the lord, so that he might obey God. But another point that this verse illustrates it that what we fill up with directly affects what comes out. The psalmist clearly understands this correlation, implying that if he did not fill himself with God’s word, he would sin against him.

     The same can be said of coke bottles. If a coke bottle is filled with goodness, coca-cola, this gift can be poured out and shared. The fuller the bottle better! However, a bottle filled with air, with the vapor of the fleeting pleasures of the present world, it can’t be shared. The essence of this world is temporary and self-serving. Nothing in it can truly be good. In stark contrast, everything that God gives is perfect, suitable to fill ourselves with, and to pour into others. “Every good thing given and every perfect gift is from above, coming down from the Father of lights, with whom there is no variation or shifting shadow.” James 1:17

     People are a lot like coke; it’s what’s inside that counts. But what surrounds the coke can make a big difference. The world is a cold, unforgiving place. I’m sure we’ve all experienced the cold loneliness the world has to offer. Coke, when left in a cold place, will compress. It still fizzes if shaken, but if left on it’s own, it stagnates. Our christian faith is very much the same. If we have faith, but surround ourselves with the very world we are called to be separate from, what can we expect but to have our faith stagnate? “Do not be misled: Bad company corrupts good character.” 1 Corinthians 15:33 “Do not conform to the pattern of this world, but be transformed by the renewing of your mind.” Romans 12:2

The effects of the cold outside world on an empty coke bottle are even more profound. An empty coke bottle, if frozen, will compress the air inside of it, creating suction, until the bottle collapses on itself. This can manifest itself in depression, isolation, anger, any number of unpleasant emotions.

     God, however, is radiant; he glorious, he is holy, he is the father of lights. We all know that light is warm. What happens to warm coke? It expands. The carbonation bubbles, and create pressure, and eventually, it pops! It overflows! It can’t contain itself anymore! This is what we want! When we nurture our relationship by spending time with God, we are warmed by his presence, and our filling expands, so we just can’t help but to go and pour back into others!

      The point I find myself in at this exact moment is one of transition. I’ve been recently leading life on a path that had led me to be a cold, empty coke bottle. However, God’s grace is sufficient, and I know that as I fill myself with him, he will be faithful to warm me and fill me back up, out of his amazing, unknowable riches!

I write this to encourage everyone to continue to fill themselves with God’s word, spend time in communion with other believers and with God, so that we may be filled with grace, in an abundance that is overflowing, so that we may pour it into those around us!

@ndrew, 9/11/2011